What a Birthday!

 

Dearest Koko, 

There was a time when birthdays meant one day when you could do almost anything. Do what you want, go where you feel like, jump on the couch, sing out loud – literally anything that you want. There had to be a grand birthday cake, and streamers and balloons, some friends have to come over, some party games would be fun More than the birthday itself, just planning it would be so much fun. You and I would contemplate a million themes, then buy the party favors, get the decorations in place.

Last year when you turned 5, I was really looking forward to that milestone birthday. Like I have said before, your birthday is not just a special day for you, but also for me. It is after all a sign that I have been at this job for these many years and not being completely hopeless at it. Also, right after your birthday, my birthday comes. Generally, I always take a leave on my birthday, watch a movie go out shopping. Last year I hadn’t – what’s the point? There’s nowhere to go.

In times of sadness, I look for moments of joy. This is how I would like to describe myself. After the first strain of Covid which hit us last year, I thought I could power through almost anything. Your father was tested positive last year and he spent his 14 days alone in a house. God knows how he did it, I would surely have gone mad. Your grandfather spent a few excruciating days in what can only be described as the worst hospital ever. We got through that, and by the end of the year it seemed that either the power of the virus was diminishing or we the human race were winning this game. But come 2021, there was a surge, and it seems we are living the nightmare over again. I am a Lady Macbeth now, running to the washroom every now and then, washing my hands. I bet the sales of soaps would have pretty much skyrocketed. My hands are crinkly and dry all the time. The news of dearth of amenities does not help. I have stopped buying the newspaper and watching the news. Ignorance is bliss, sounds cowardly, but it’s important. Every time the phone rings I feel it might be bad news from some quarter.

Between these two birthdays it seems like all of us have aged more than just one year – we are all more scared of just about anything, mostly human contact. We are all frantic about washing and sanitizing – distancing.

Perhaps many years from now, when we look back, we will want to distance ourselves from this strange individual the virus transformed us into. I’d like to believe this detachment from the outside world has pushed us towards each other in a way perhaps many years of living in the same house would not have. We would go to work, you would go to school. We would have met at mealtimes. Now I can see you in front of me all the time. I can literally see you grow up in front of my eyes. Each day you say something wiser, each day you grow a little.

So what if we had one more birthday just between us? There would be many big and loud birthday parties ahead of us, with streamers, pizza, friends and wrapped presents. This birthday was not bad at all, – there was cake, pizza and presents (Amazon to the rescue). You also got a Nintendo Switch, your very own gaming console, because, what defines a birthday better than overcompensating parents? Yes there were no social media posts, no streamers or balloons. In the last couple of years I have come to wonder, if you do something and it is not on social media, did it really happen? So, here is one photo I took – the birthday really happened. :)

Love,

Ma